It is my aim (pun intended) to address how one might be able to throw rocks; and in throwing rocks I mean at others! John 8:3-11 we glean several items of understanding in this lost art of rock throwing that I would like to expose and revisit for the sake of seeing if we can reignite this simple means of eliminating sinners.
First, we need to GO and FIND someone involved in sin. A really gross sin like incest, or murder, or something big like that that would be worthy enough to put in the paper (after all we need as many rock throwers as possible).
Second, once we have found them, we make funny of them a little so that we can ensure the people around us, who are dragging the sinner by the hair, that what the sinner has done is foreign to us and quite queer! Plus who doesn’t want a good laugh at others expense?!
Third, you must bring the sinner to someone who has authority so we can get permission to throw our rocks which we have picked up, polished, and treated like the latest version of modern weaponry as to destroy what is gross and unbecoming! I mean our rocks are the closes thing to having our own personal nuclear arsenal!
Fourth, expose and make public the details of the sin and how you can’t believe that anyone could ever do such a thing. This is where the fun gets interesting! No only have your cheeks began to pour forth saliva which aides to the drooling process due to the release of endorphins that your body is producing because you can’t wait to throw this perfectly chistled, kong-fu gripped piece of boulder which lies in your sweat palm; but you get to test your ability to belittle someone else so that the victory is that much sweeter. I mean if you can not only destroy the body but are able to destroy every shred of dignity then why not!!!
Fifth, before you rear back and let her fly be sure to search your own heart so that these actions are justified to prevent any later symptoms of regret or guilt. This is easy down and should only take a few seconds. After all you are not as bad as this guy and haven’t really done anything as big as this sinner!! right?!! If you have then you would be next but… shh what people don’t know won’t hurt them; and if you back out then you will most definitely will be next in line. Further comment on this step… some historical practices of throwing rocks (also referred to in early times as stoning) have not accepted this step and there has been debate over not even including it. So… skip to step 6 below.
Sixth, Throw the rock. Finally, the moment has come! Justice is being served and you get to carry it out! Lock the target in your sights, rear back and throw aiming at the sinners temple for maximum potential of delivering a deadly blow on contact! Be sure to cheer when the blood sprinkles and the sounds of crushing bone resounds and comes echoing through the public buildings. Be sure to have a second rock handy in case your throw was a little off and you missed the first time but I am sure you have had many years of practices and are able to throw your rock directly at the precise area you intended to hit, reminiscent of a Daniel La Ruso catching a fly with a pair of chop sticks.
Finally, rejoice and cheer! The task and art has been perfected! You are well on your way to becoming the greatest rock thrower ever known to man. Go home, feast, make love to your spouse, seize this moment! For tomorrow you start it all over again. Be sure to find time to teach your children the fine arts of rock throwing so that it doesn’t become a lost art!
Jesus said, “Let him who is without sin… be the first to throw a stone…”
Sadly, rocks continue to be thrown, and our savior died as a result. The only innocent man ever to walk the earth died by the hands of those who have perfected the art of rock throwing. The art is not so easily justified.
By: Bruce- a rock thrower.
